I have been reading several weight loss blogs for over a year now. I am constantly needing inspiration and motivation. The blogs I have found definitely do that. And I am so grateful to them and their inspiring stories.
I have tried to lose excess weight countless times. I know that for weight loss blogs out there, I am going to look like a fraud. But I am short. A bite sized chunk, if you will. I am 5ft tall and at my heaviest I was 167lbs. I have the pictures to prove it. 167 is a lot when you are vertically challenged. I lost about 20lbs in 2006-2007. I was so determined that I drank no alcohol and ate no sweets. I was very disciplined and went to the gym after work every day and worked with a trainer about 4 times a month. Oh, yeah and this was before the economy collapsed. So no worries at all for me!
What happened you asked? In May of 2007 I met the man who would become my husband. On our first date we went to Cold Stone Creamery and discovered we have absolutely the same trigger food-Ice Cream. Before I became so determined to lose weight, I ate ice cream every freaking day. Every Day like it was an essential nutrient I would die without. And my date took me to eat Ice Cream. I should have put the brakes on, but I was giddy and he was cute and I kind of missed my old pal ice cream. And so we began to date exclusively and eat ice cream together. And the market tanked and I couldn’t afford a trainer and I got laid off and stressed out and ate more ice cream and chocolate and anything I wanted. I still went to the gym to punish myself for being a bad girl, but I did not monitor what I ate. I joined Weight Watchers in March of 2009 and gave up in May after experiencing an awful plateau. I gave up caring at all that fall much to the annoyance of my mother who thought I should try to lose weight for my upcoming wedding. So by the time we got married in February of 2010 I was back up somewhere between 157 and 160 lbs. I don’t know exactly because I would rarely get on the scale and admit what I was doing to myself. I was wearing my fat pants again and I hated my wedding pictures because I thought I looked so awful.
A year later I had had enough. I joined Weight Watchers again after I heard that they re-vamped their plan. I loved it because it is more in tune with how I prefer to eat. I hated that all the processed foods were so low in points and fresh stuff was higher in the old plan. I was so happy to eat salad for free! I was 153 on the day I joined and I knew I had already lost four pounds before I started WW. I was off and running!
As I examined my own history in my weight loss attempts, I realized that I am my own worst enemy and my greatest Saboteur. I need to find a way to kill that part of me, to stop that part of me that wants me to fail again and again. I think I need to begin my own blog now to keep myself honest and on track. To explore the why and how of my own self defeating patterns. I need to be my own inspiration and motivation too.
I hit a plateau this summer and the meetings helped me to be determined to not give up. That was the first major conflict with myself. As I watched that scale fluctuate between 2 lbs over four months I wanted to quit over and over again. I had to steel myself and say, “No. Don’t Give Up. Never Give up. You can do this.” That self sabotaging voice was so loud in my head. The words it spoke to me were so mean. But I was not going to let me fail. I had to keep going. And I did. The never give up version of me is currently in the driver’s seat.
I am still on a plateau, but I am measuring inches now. I have lost 6.25 inches in the last month, I am wearing clothes I couldn’t wear before and I am happy about that, but I am still addicted to that scale and fighting with myself over it daily. This is where my story and Blog begins…
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